in the shadow of our shadow

there are times in life we make mistakes. some are quite a bit more extensive than others. mistakes that cut to the core of who you are. the kind you will never be able to escape & forget. the kind others cannot forgive. the kind you can never forgive yourself. and forever & more will this shadow follow you through your days. at your feet and with every step you take, it follows. never able to out run it.

there is this funny thing called guilt. generally the bigger the mistake the greater the guilt. it causes one to fixate on your shadow, and soon enough you pay so much attention to it you forget life is still moving on. before you realize it you are following that shadow instead of it following you. in following it you retreat from the light, and the further you move away from the light the bigger your shadow gets. sometimes we allow that shadow to overwhelm & tower over us. and we disregard the fact it only exists because of us.

examining your shadow is a natural and prudent course. though we may not be able to escape our shadow some choose to ignore it. the shadow does not go away unless you extinguish the light. but accepting it as a part of yourself is a healthy decision. it's hard to learn from ones mistakes without acknowledging it. and it is even harder to forgive oneself before acknowledging it.

to a certain extent i still find myself following my shadow. but a little less as each new page is turned.